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[DEL]

Can Bertorelli Contracts be amongst the first to congratulate President Elect Trump on his outstanding victory.
Now some of you might regard this as barefaced opportunism but we at Bertorelli Contracts humbly submit our intention to bid for the building of the US / Mexican wall.
Our track record speaks for itself, particularly our sympathetic renovation of Hadrians Wall, the only man made structure in the UK visible from the International Space Station.
At the heart of our philosophy is the recognition of cultural identity as illustrated in our use of Shortbread and Wensleydale Cheese in the repairs and extention to Hadrians Wall.
To this end we will clad the Mexican side with Tortilla Chips and the US side with Moms Apple Pie.
By the end of today we will start negotiations with Fox Media to establish a new Tex Mex reality baking show to manufacture the building materials.
We are now actively seeking someone with business and reality TV experience to develop the concept.
Nadia Hussein, winner of The Great British Bake-off was on board to project manage the build but it appears that she might have difficulty in entering the US.
The planning goes on ..........
D

 

[mick3272]

Can Bertorelli Contracts be amongst the first to congratulate President Elect Trump on his outstanding victory.
Now some of you might regard this as barefaced opportunism but we at Bertorelli Contracts humbly submit our intention to bid for the building of the US / Mexican wall.
Our track record speaks for itself, particularly our sympathetic renovation of Hadrians Wall, the only man made structure in the UK visible from the International Space Station.
At the heart of our philosophy is the recognition of cultural identity as illustrated in our use of Shortbread and Wensleydale Cheese in the repairs and extention to Hadrians Wall.
To this end we will clad the Mexican side with Tortilla Chips and the US side with Moms Apple Pie.
By the end of today we will start negotiations with Fox Media to establish a new Tex Mex reality baking show to manufacture the building materials.
We are now actively seeking someone with business and reality TV experience to develop the concept.
Nadia Hussein, winner of The Great British Bake-off was on board to project manage the build but it appears that she might have difficulty in entering the US.
The planning goes on ..........
D

Before you go swanning off to the Americas, What about your existing contract to dig out and refurbish the Dyke, which I understand will be covered with lamb fat.

Mick

 

[garyhiggins]

Dear Captain Bertorelli, please submit your tender spread across 650000 E-mails titled "Ppsssttt, Buddy".

 

[DEL]

Before you go swanning off to the Americas, What about your existing contract to dig out and refurbish the Dyke, which I understand will be covered with lamb fat.

Mick

Have no fear. The male populations of Aberdeenshire and Ayrshire have been employed as Sheep Development Officers. They are working hard, rubbing up against sheep at every opportunity and encouraging them to 'put it about'. Their efforts are ensuring a huge potential increase in the lamb population come next spring.
Your understanding is correct, to paraphrase the words of a great man... "you can't cover a Dyke in too much Lamb fat"

 

[DEL]

Dear Captain Bertorelli, please submit your tender spread across 650000 E-mails titled "Ppsssttt, Buddy".

If I was 20 years younger maybe ....... nowadays .....I'm very selective as to which Inbox I submit my Tender
650,000 might take me a few months

 

[garyhiggins]

And in a late item of b reaking news, Donald Trump has phoned Hilary Clinton and refused to accept the result .

 

[Joe55]

Seeings how I live on the border, I have given a lot of thought to the wall as well.

I like your thoughts. However, you can't have chips without salsa nor apple pie without ice cream.

I suggest Bertorelli Contracts first submit a concept paper to our president elect. Recommend that you would build the wall about a quarter mile wide and provide the infrastructure and utilities for the following: restaurants, bars, souvenir shops, hotels, parks, casinos, hobby shops,.......you get the idea. In other words, one big long assed tourist trap that will rake in millions.

Finally, I ask that I be considered for the position of quality and safety manager. Who better than a local meskin.

Joe

 

[Dan Morton]

Way to see the upside, Joe!!!

Dan

 

[Helm]

This just in Bertorelli have been turned down by their first sub contractor

 

[Mirofsoft]

And in a late item of b reaking news, Donald Trump has phoned Hilary Clinton and refused to accept the result .

 

[Tecumsea]

Brilliant Del, had me and the boss in fits-just shared it with friends across the pond...their reaction to the election was unrepeatable

 

[garyhiggins]

Don't quote me on this, but I have heard that they're going to re-name New York Trumpton

 

[sd0324]

Don't have a meltdown ladies, you will be ok.

 

[DEL]

Seeings how I live on the border, I have given a lot of thought to the wall as well.
I like your thoughts. However, you can't have chips without salsa nor apple pie without ice cream.
I suggest Bertorelli Contracts first submit a concept paper to our president elect. Recommend that you would build the wall about a quarter mile wide and provide the infrastructure and utilities for the following: restaurants, bars, souvenir shops, hotels, parks, casinos, hobby shops,.......you get the idea. In other words, one big long assed tourist trap that will rake in millions.
Finally, I ask that I be considered for the position of quality and safety manager. Who better than a local meskin.
Joe

Point by point.
1. Bertorelli family, specifically Uncle Knuckles will handle Salsa and Ice Cream based on our Nona's secret recipe. ....(Salsa is really just a variation of our famous Dean Park Highball with a tin of chopped tomatoes added and maybe just the odd chopped toe). Recipe available on request 18yrs and over only.
2. We have hired a 3 year old with his own crayons to prepare drawings for the President Elect.
3. Sadly we have had to enter into an 'understanding' with the worlds major criminal organisation regarding developing franchises. Representatives of the Vatican will be visiting suitable sites soon.
4. Re Q&S Managers post. Do you have inegrity? Experience? Commitment? Honesty? Sobriety? ......... if you can answer Yes to any of these questions you're no use to us

 

[Joe55]

Fair nuff.

Regarding point 3, add a few strip joints then.

As to point 4, I will quote Doc Holiday: ......"there's a limit to my hypocrisy"....

 

[peedee]

Dear Mexico.

Please find attached my current CV.
I am looking for an employment position that will give me security of tenure and travel.

Name: Paul Dee
Other aliases: Speedy Gonzales, Spade Dee.
Age: Yep.
Sex: Whenever practical

Education: Spirit Level, Hay level,

Previous experience.
employed 1942-45 Sagan Camp with Tom Dick George and Harry, in providing horizontal exit facilities, recycling of building materials, beds and providing local fresh air supply at depth.

1968-1980. Provision of a secondary car transit system alongside the existing sub surface road and rail routes from Birkenhead to Liverpool....the Queensway project.

1981-85 Folkestone to Calais tube excavation.
Plus provision of a spare one.
Worlds largest automated worm operator.

1995-2015.
Rediscovery of underground chambers and opening to exploit tourists in liverpool, known as the Williamson tunnels a series of catacombs built only for the purpose of keeping the unemployed ex soldiers of the Napoleonic Wars occupied.


As you can see I have varied and indepth experience in the provision of tunnelling over long distances allowing mass movement of numbers of people at the same time.

I am wondering if you can think of any way my skills could be used once the great Trump wall is under construction.

I undertand the risks involved but I do honestly believe many American citizens would pay handsomely for a method of exit .
such as a Tunnel might bring.

In anticipation of an early response.

Yours.

In spades.

Paul.

Cc Premier Troudeaux.

 

[mick3272]

Dear Mexico.

Please find attached my current CV.
I am looking for an employment position that will give me security of tenure and travel
EDITED

Yours.

In spades.

Paul.

Cc Premier Troudeaux.

Paul.

You are to modist you did not mention your
Certificate from The Paul Newman School of Motor Cycle riding. and
You being the Liverpool Scottish Pole Vault Champion (With & Without kilt).
Mick

 

[Nap]

This has had me in stitches laughing

This is a local sheep inspector on the job........

Looking at Pauls CV ..feeling a bit sheepish about applying now ...bit of a baaaaaaaaaaaad feeling about it

Nap

 

[peedee]

Paul.

You are to modist you did not mention your
Certificate from The Paul Newman School of Motor Cycle riding. and
You being the Liverpool Scottish Pole Vault Champion (With & Without kilt).
Mick

Sorry Mick I only used the pole vault if I couldn't get to the front of the queue for the cookhouse.
I only started doing it when I was told I was 'in for the high jump'.
I thought it was Battalion sports.
motorbikes ........not me no way.
I'll leave that to the Chaos Cossack and the Swiss Cuirassier.

Paul.

 

[peedee]

Singing.....

"Underground underground tunneling free.
The want away Mexican migrants are we.
making good use of the spades that we found,
Going under rather than, go-ing around".

Rivero Orinoco Womble