Goodbye Bertorelli - Hello Bert O'Reilly

[DEL]

How hard can it be?
You go away for a couple of weeks leaving your entirely fictitious and virtual business in the supposed safe hands of a few friends and you come back to ……nothing.

Bertorelli Breeks has gone out of business……..Permanently.


Still all is not lost ..... watch here for the exclusive announcement of a brand new service for modellers. Just in time for Euro

BERT O'REILLY LOGISTICS

 

[Helm]

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay

 

[DEL]

I am delighted to introduce you to our new bespoke service for the serious Military Modeller.
Bert O’Reilly Logistics.
Let me first outline where the idea for this service came from. A constant issue raised here and around many a breakfast table is the size of (calm down Ron) Grey Armies.
This is a source of much strife and embarrassment particularly when your partner actually adds up how much has been spent on the mountain of boxes lying in the corner and indeed in at least one case filling the garage.
Our mission is to remove this pressure whilst ensuring that you retain that indefinable ‘buzz’ of ownership.
The service comes in 4 levels Bronze, Silver, Gold and for those extreme cases Platinum.
Bronze Service.
We collect your boxed models at a drop spot in a car park of your choice and at a time to suit you.
Your model will be taken to a safe storage in a lock up under railway arches in the quaint historical area of Glasgow Gorbals.
Here they will be carefully opened in completely sterile conditions, major parts will be moved about so that closure of the box is guaranteed to press at least two pieces together resulting in minor distortion to finer parts. By request up to 2 corners of the box can be distressed giving the effect of having been viewed and opened several times. Instruction sheets will of course be lost. Upon return at a pre agreed time this will give the impression that you have actually done something with the model.
Silver Service.
As Bronze but following distressing, the box will be gently ploughed into a potato field in Ayrshire where it will lie undisturbed for a full growing season. It will then be lifted with the new season Ayrshire potatoes (you will receive an anonymous 5 kilo bag) Dried off prior to being returned to you or crop rotated into a new field. Following the first lift the box will be opened and some rough cleaning of major parts will take place and these will be glued together prior to re-boxing.
For a small additional charge some items can by primed in an over thick coat of grey car primer, allowing you to strip these parts upon return, further enhancing the illusion that you are actually actively working on the model.
Gold Service.
As Silver but with the following enhancement. After the first season lift, several small parts such as bayonets and spurs will be carefully dropped into sheepskin rugs allowing the modeller the adrenaline rush of trying to recover them. This creates in the viewer the impression that you are so passionately engaged with this model that you have been reduced to a gibbering tearful wreck trying to recover an item.
Each of the sheepskin rugs will be supplied by some of our well known country members and indeed may even be related to some of them.
Where a modeller has supplied multiple boxes various parts will be mixed across several boxes prior to return.
Platinum Service.
This will only be on offer to customers following them having 4 sessions with our own consulting clinical psychologist. This will also require counselling for all family members who along with the modeller will run the risk of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder on discovering they have an extra room in their house or can after years finally park a car in their garage.

This requires all your unmade models to be placed with our service where they will each receive our full Gold Service. Instead of being ploughed into a potato field extensive research will take place into each model and it will be buried as appropriate in the geographical area most associated with the piece, for example a Hoplite will be gently buried between the roots of an olive tree on the slopes of Mount Olympus.

I trust that this rings true with more than a few of you out there.

 

[Helm]

Del the quality of your mind both amazes and worries untold legions of clinical psychiatrists across the world

Steve

 

[billyturnip]

Good idea but a less conspicuous van might be appropriate.

 

[Jimmy S]

Is this gonna mess with my charts?

 

[Jimmy S]

Bronze:

Silver:

Gold:

 

[DEL]

Let's get your people to talk to my people.

 

[Gerry]

Too much German Pilsner Del? what goes through you mind mate? mind you, someone will buy into it
what about recasts and the resin figures where do they fit into your plan

 

[Don]

Too much German Pilsner Del? what goes through you mind mate? mind you, someone will buy into it
what about recasts and the resin figures where do they fit into your plan

What mind Gerry? Many leading clinical psycologists have made the search for same their lifes work, to no avail. Meanwhile in deepest Peru a recaster is busy trying to recast a brain to help their search.
Del meanwhile continues to elude them!!!!!!!!!

Don
An Ayrshire patriot fighting for more freedom for sheep

 

[Uruk-Hai]

Some distrubutors see the "Fraigle" tape like a personal insult?

Judging from the title I was actually expecting Bill O´Reilly coming out as Rons father?

Cheers
Janne Nilsson

 

[Rich Sculpts]

And remember..

...Bert O’Reilly Logistics customer service is always happy to help you with all your enquiries...

 

[brian]

There's nothing wrong with Derek.
Napoleon Bonaparte

 

[DEL]

Too much German Pilsner Del? what goes through you mind mate? mind you, someone will buy into it
what about recasts and the resin figures where do they fit into your plan

Hi Gerry, hope you enjoyed Kulmbach. Munich was brilliant as ever....too much Hefe Weisse.
I'm shocked at the thought of anyone buying recasts resin I knew it came in blocks, didn't know you could get it shaped like figures

 

[DEL]

What mind Gerry? Many leading clinical psycologists have made the search for same their lifes work, to no avail. Meanwhile in deepest Peru a recaster is busy trying to recast a brain to help their search.
Del meanwhile continues to elude them!!!!!!!!!

Don
An Ayrshire patriot fighting for more freedom for sheep

 

[DEL]

Del - Whatever recreational chemicals you are taking, I believe they are having the desired effect. Enjoy!

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Are you writing for TV? Naw, scratch that. I suspect you are far too honest to survive as a TV comedy writer.

All the best,
Dan

Only the ones in Irn Bru Dan
http://www.youtube.com/user/irnbru

 

[DEL]

Some distrubutors see the "Fraigle" tape like a personal insult?

Judging from the title I was actually expecting Bill O´Reilly coming out as Rons father?

Cheers
Janne Nilsson

It's Ron that should be 'Coming Out'.

 

[DEL]

There's nothing wrong with Derek.
Napoleon Bonaparte

Steady on there Brian.......people will think we're nuts.
Focus on the matter in hand, Russia isn't going to invade itself........getting a bit colder these days.

 

[Helm]

 

[Gerry]

Hi Gerry, hope you enjoyed Kulmbach. Munich was brilliant as ever....too much Hefe Weisse.
I'm shocked at the thought of anyone buying recasts resin I knew it came in blocks, didn't know you could get it shaped like figures

Hi Del
Had a brillant time at Kulmbach! what more could you ask for good beer, great show, mostly hot weather!!
o yes and the tin figures where good too,